none

It’s like i have a cancer and I’m dying. She’s the chemo that i needed. A poison that can kill the cancer cells or can kill my body. Either ways i still need her. If i die, i’ll be happy. Despite the pain, at least, my life with her is still worthwhile.

History

Jamee was my highschool classmate. She’s my classmate since 1st year. However, we are not that close because of certain circumstances.

At first, i had a crush on her. It still carried on until we are 2nd year. But on the 3rd year, i felt something strange about her. Until then i knew that i love her.

Getting Rid of Her

At those time that i had a crush on her, my classmates kinda notice that. So i tried to keep out of the way. I also said to myself  “marami ng may gusto sa kanya eh, wag na lang ako dumagdag”. Actually, whenever i get close to her, my classmates tease us. Alam kaya nila? Well, i don’t know.

On the Verge of Falling

On the first part of my 3rd year, it kinda felt wonderful. It felt so good but it still sucks. I still need distance her. Oh boy, WHY AM I SO AFRAID? At that time i really don’t know what to do and how to react.

I don’t think if i can endure the pain of this dying, I’m pretty sure that this love has no ending

The Climax

At the time i admitted that i really love her, the only thing i felt was pain. >>(fast forward) When we were 4th year and she had a boyfriend, the pain that i felt deteriorates. It’s like a mixed feeling of agony, loneliness, suffering, torment, malady, sorrow, etc.

Anyhow, i tried to focus on other things. But i can still feel the excruciating pain though.

No Ending

Until now i still love her and i can’t forget her. Everyday i still think of her. The feeling is still fresh — the love and pain. I WANT to ferget her But i DON’T WANT. It’s like i have a cancer and I’m dying. She’s the chemo that i needed. A poison that can kill the cancer cells or can kill my body. Either ways i still need her. If i die, i’ll be happy. Despite the pain, at least, my life with her is still worthwhile.

Why I’m Not Telling

That’s easy. It’s because she still had her boyfriend. I know that she loves him so much and i don’t want to cross the line. They have their own life and i have mine even if my life only revovles around her.

So now she asked me to give her some space. I have no choice but to give it to her. It will be okay even if i don’t have a dose of her chemo. I need to die sometimes. I don’t think if i can endure the pain of this dying, I’m pretty sure that this love has no ending

It will be okay even if i don’t have a dose of her chemo. I need to die sometimes.

3 Comments »

  1. sysiongkiao Said:

    That was “heart beating” read… tapos habang binabasa ko to..may James Blunt pa as background..tapos naiimagine ko pa..the heart aches/the pains/the sacrifice/the enlightenment… Nice read!

  2. maria angela l. estella Said:

    your so good and all of us had the right to love unconditionally even we are expecting much in return, but there’s nothing in return,,,,,, we’ll boy…….you are so unique and inspiring……….pwede kang gumawa ng sarili mong pocket book!!!!!!!!! I’m sure it will be the best seller of the year………I’m so proud to be one of your friend……anyway…..that’s life,,,,,,,marami k pang mkikilala!!!!!!!

    • Thank you for leaving a comment ate angela….buti nalang nakilala kita…i know you’re better than her. Please make me realize that i don’t deserve her…help me move on.


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