Archive for May, 2011

Forcing myself to love me

You’re born crying, you’ll also die the same way…

You’re born to cry.

Everything is made to be broken…even your heart…

You always wake up alone. Even if you’ll find someone to be with that day, at the end of the day, you still end up being alone. Then you’ll wake up the same way…

I have no choice but to love myself, because if I don’t…nobody will.

I hate to love myself. This is F-ing BS.

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Move me

It has been a long while since I’ve last posted here on my blogsite. But here I am now, struggling to escape this bubble. I really want to try living outside this bubble. Well here’s how I struggle…

After rendering few months of employment, I finally entered the business industry — multilevel marketing. I’ve taken risk just to reach my dreams. Once I dream, I make it big. I am so ambitious, because for me “libre lang mangarap, kaya taasan mo na”. But as I travel along the path of networking, my dream(s) became simple: To help those who’ve helped me. It’s given that once my group gone wide, I will get all my dreams (houses and lots, cars, gadgets, and all the luxuries that you can think of). For me, it would be more fulfilling if I see my downlines get their dreams.

It was a long break since my last cycle; when I last got my first check. I was invited to join a different company that offered our group some of the things that we need, e.g. financial support and the like. Being there has been a relief. In that company, we’re provided all the needs, unlike in IVP we don’t. In that company, I have an upline who cares and supports me, unlike in IVP there’s none (…kinda). That time, I was trying to compare which company would be more beneficial for our group. There’s something fishy with the offer from that company so I started to think of returning to IVP.

Let me compare…

In that company, we’re given three heads or three accounts for free (no cash out, all expense paid). While in IVP, we’ve paid for just one account. The problem is, only leaders are given those free accounts. How about my downlines? They will pay more than what they should invest on IVP and get only one account. That would be unfair on their part. I’ll be earning more than what they can earn and that wouldn’t help them at all.

System wise, matrix is better than trinary or binary. Product wise, that company has more products. In terms of stability, I can say, both company has been proven. For the compensation plan, IVP gives better compensation and benefits so far. Furthermore, I’ve seen my future when I was doing IVP, not with the other company. Therefore, I chose IVP for the whole group. I named the group “INFINITI”. Since the other group who transferred to that other company is also named “infinity”, I absorbed that name for my group. No worries, it is legal since that group has been dissolved. We changed the spelling so that the group’s name would entail a brand of a car “INFINITI”.

Now that we’re done with the name, first I made a plan for the whole group that would SURELY make our business more profitable, at the same time, will build the spirit of our team. But still, it’s a group effort. I can’t make this alone! This is for the whole group. Too bad, we still can’t start making this plan work unless we are already complete.  The plan is all set, all we need to do is to work it out.

How do I go about convincing them to do this with me? How do I let them know that this would be more beneficial for them and not for me? Actually, I can do it if they give me a chance to speak before them. But it’s IMPOSSIBLE to let them realize the truth since they don’t want to hear it from me.

Now I’m planning to let go of them and look for another person to help. But it’s hard for me to do that. I still want to help them first because they are the people who first believed in me. I really appreciated the trust that they gave me. It was out of love that I keep on holding on for them.

Rejection hurts.

Right now I’m confused of what to do. I’m working alone. My downlines are my only strength. But now they’re diverging away from me. I’m getting weak. I can’t stand alone now.

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Since I don’t have an upline (figuratively), I’ll just think that I’ll start back at zero. I’ll go back to start. I’m working alone,  no one is helping me. I myself helps me. I’ll build my own NEW network. I’ll show them that they made a wrong choice when they rejected me. Would that be harsh?

I told one of my downlines “hindi ako marunong magalit, pero marunong ako magtampo”. I seldom — closest to never — get angry. But all of us has limitations, I’m also a human even if I don’t look like one. When I’m pushed to my limit, you won’t hear anything from me, tampo na’ko.

OMG! It’s already 3am on the dot and I’m getting sleepy. Too bad I can’t finish my whole story. It’s getting crazy here in this place because I can here something creepy, seems like someone’s whispering in my ears and the air around me is getting cold. Maybe I’m just imagining things. I’d better sleep now. G’nytz! Have a good one!